Making my "story"

I have been thinking lately about how our memories become our "stories". I have been thinking about this more because of an on-line writing class that I recently participated in. I have not done all of the writing assignments as of yet, but putting the book together and working on a few of the assignments I realized my story is full of memories and thoughts not thought of in a very long time. As I try to look back and remember moments in time and memories of days gone by some of what was reality has disappeared. Mostly because time has gone on and I now live in this moment. What I did do was go back and look at journals I had kept off and on over the last 30 years. I am not as good at recording my thoughts as David is but there were times that what I needed to put down on paper I found the time to sit down and write those thoughts and events down. As I read back through them I was amazed at how much I had forgotten. Not because what had happened was not important but more because after they were written down I went on living my life. So, more events and memories were created. So over time my memories have become marked by an event or picture I have. But the feelings that moved me somehow are lost a little with time. I think I really finally understand why we're commanded to record our lives and keep our journals. Somehow, the stories that we create of our lives become lost to not only our children and families but lost to us as well. Don't get me wrong there are many things that are around me that spark the feelings and emotion that I felt at the time the event happened - but the day to day things get lost in back of my mind. As I have been reading and typing up David's journals I see how some of those day to day things are the foundations for the stories he tells. I have always wanted to be this great writer. I have worked on two different "books" over the last five years. They are far from finished and as I look back I think - wow, I really had something good to say. But being a writer is more than just putting words to a page. Being able to draw the reader into what you are feeling as you write is just as important to the story as the story itself. The books I love reading the most are the ones I get emotionally involved in. They stay with me and make me think. Recording "my story" is important to me but living my story is just as important. I think about this as my children have gone through different stages in their lives. What they loved and thought was the best at one point is soon forgotten and replaced with a new "toy" or item and becomes their favorite thing. When you remind them sometimes they can't even remember that they loved this or that. I think that is what I do. I move on and what was is no longer and replaced by the new. I have a renewed desire to hold on to those memories and be a better recorder of my life. I have a passage from a journal I kept when Ashleigh was a baby and it really helps to bring this point home. "Today while you were playing with me - you realized if you crawled away I would chase you. It was so cute. We went all around the apartment lots of times. You give me kisses now just out of the blue. You just crawl over and kiss me. It s so special...Tonight I looked in on you while you were sleeping. You looked like a beautiful angel!" I just love that I have that recorded to spark my memory on that night when I peeked in her and the feelings that swelled in my heart. So many moments have passed since then and this would have been long forgotten and probably never remembered if not for the journal I kept at that time. Ashleigh is now 27 and a beautiful young lady. I am glad that I wrote down those feelings about her. It is important for her to see that she is part of my "story". I am making it a personal goal to write more and as I do so my story will be written and I won't lose those feelings and thoughts.