James Lester Danks III

My oldest brother James Lester Danks III was born on this day 60 years ago. James passed away in 1996. He died of a heroine overdose. Many times in life he had tried to get away from the kind of life that one leads when one does drugs. Many times he succeeded. This time he did not. My brother was a wonderful man most of the days he lived on this earth. He was lost and confused it seems for just as many days. My brother wrote a lot of poetry among his many talents. When he died we were given a couple of his poems. When he was 42 he wrote a poem called "I've". In 22 paragraphs he describes his life and everything that he had every done. Some of it was very revealing and scary other parts were the James I knew and loved. I love his opening lines "Forty-two years upon this planet, forty-two revolutions, forty-two trips around the sun and I've gone in and out of balance from nearly every angle." The rest of the poem goes on to describe every experience or event he could recall that happened in his life. It is really moving and for me I feel he was trying to teach us all something as well. Today some of my family are going to meet where he is buried and have a memorial for him. To honor his birth and celebrate all his goodness in life. I wrote the following for that memorial and want my family to know that I celebrate with you as you gather. I honor and remember by older brother today - all day he will be on mind. I loved him, I did not always understand him, but through everything I learned from him.

"There are two things I think of when I hear James' name. Music and food. He was very gifted at both! I loved it when he would let me play along with him when he was playing the guitar or playing his flute. I was always amazed at how he knew music in his head. That is not one of my strengths so it impressed me very much. I know he always made a mess in the kitchen but what he cooked was always delicious! At least I don't remember anything that tasted bad. James had a great smile and it was infectious. Although we were not as close, mostly because of our age difference, he blessed my life and taught me many things. He taught me how important it is to learn about something you love! When Jesse was born he let me stay with him and Linda to help take care of him. He loved being a dad at that time. I remember when we came to Oregon to visit him in Ashland. I fell in love with the Northwest! I miss everyone so much but I love it up here in Oregon and I think it is because James gave me the chance to experience it. I am sad at the way he died and want to say that even that part of his life taught me a lot. I always felt that James was looking for joy and happiness in his life. At times he had found it and at other times I think it alluded him. I wish I could have shared the things that give me joy like he had shared with me the things that made him the happiest. What I learned the most from him has carried with me all my adult days and that is - things can't make you happy. Joy and happiness are found deep in your soul and if your soul is troubled the happiness you are searching for is always out of reach. The things that he thought would bring him that deep joy were only superficial. I think that is why he struggled so much. But I gained strength from his struggles and I would like to think that he knows that now. That where he is now he will find that happiness that goes deep in your soul. I learned to take the things that troubled me deeply and let go - I wanted a life of joy and happiness and because of James I had a strong desire to reach for that. I love you James! And I love all you brothers and sisters and know that I am there in thought. I will be thinking of you all at the time you are gathered and I hope that you will feel my joy and happiness! Love you all! Candy"

P.S. I just realized at the end of this that I am now 48 years old, the age he was when he died. That just hit me kind of strange.