Paige's meeting

Tonight I went with Paige to one of her "AA" meetings. It was the first one I have gone to with her. She was celebrating her 30 days mark. It meant a lot to her. For the first time in a very long time I believe she really wants to get better. She seems to be trying harder than I have ever seen her try before. It has not been easy. She is physically a mess still but each day seems to be getting stronger. Her addiction has been so hard on not only her but our entire family. (Hers isn't alcohol but drugs) As I sat in that room filled with people from all different backgrounds and circumstances I wondered how did she ever get to a place where she even had to be there? What caused her to choose to take such a different path than the one I imagined for her when I held her in my arms as a new born baby. What caused her to make choices that have led her to so much misery and heartache. As I observed the people in that room and heard some of their stories I was sorry for them. They had had such hard lives - broken homes - abuse - alcoholic parents - I could see how they could end up there. But what made Paige end up there? I realized that addiction does not have one face. I could have passed any of those people on the street and never recognized that they had addiction problems. They looked like some of the people I associate with and know. There was not a specific look to an addict. I guess I thought for some reason they would all look a certain way. I did see years of abuse had taken its toll on them but still their faces looked like most peoples. Beautiful Paige was right there in the middle of them all. As they spoke of a "higher being" who was helping them get through each day I realized that God knows each of their names. He knows their hearts and their circumstances. He knows their faces. I was taught a great lesson tonight. As I realized that I had been blessed so much - with a great knowledge and the power to be able to say no when presented with certain choices was a gift. This gift is something that some people have to learn and work for. I have other things in my life that I struggle with but I don't struggle with that. Paige will have to struggle the rest of her life with that issue. When things get hard for her she will always have to make a choice and decide not to turn to her addiction. I hope she can feel the power of God in her life and learn to cling to that. As people spoke tonight that is what ended up helping each of the people who have been sober for any length of time. In the car ride home she said she was grateful I went. It meant a lot to her. She said she was grateful that she did not have to worry about our home - that it was a safe place and clean place. She then shared some of her living conditions over the last year and my heart just broke. She said that even though this has been very hard for her she is grateful that she didn't spend years on the street trying to get to this place. I pray she is strong enough and will find a the good place inside her. I pray she will come to know how God looks at her and sees her beautiful face. I pray I have the strength as her mother to always remember who she is and that Heavenly Father has placed her in my care to watch over and love. That I can give her what she needs to work through this hard time. I am realistic. I know that relapse are always around the corner. But as someone said tonight "You have to get to day 30 to get to day 31!" I just loved that thought!

I have not spoken much about this baby girl of mine - it is a quiet heartache I carry but along beside that heartache is a heart filled with joy because I know and understand the atonement. I know how it works and I know that Jesus Christ bore all and that my baby girl can have that gift in her life if she will only let Him in. The key is to let Him in. I am who I am today because He is in my heart and thoughts. I want to be like Him and I want to see the child of God in everyones face like He does!

General Women's Broadcast

Tonight we got to participate in our stake enrichment night. It was so nice. We had dinner and listened to four women talk about being a positive role model or about the positive role models in their lives. Being in the company of the sisters always makes me feel wonderful. I learn something every time I go. Afterwards, we got to listen to the women's general broadcast from Salt Lake. Every year the week before conference we get to hear from the General Relief Society President and her counselors. Pres. Eyring also spoke tonight. We learned about our heritage as Relief Society sisters. What they left us and also what we are to do with that. We were reminded about the theme of Relief Society "Charity Never Faileth". Each talk had something that touched my heart. I just love that I belong to the largest, oldest women's organization in the world. I love knowing that every Sunday there are women all over the world learning and worshipping along with me. I love knowing that during the week we are all participating in Relief Society activities. We are doing are visiting teaching, doing compassionate service, and fellowshipping with each other. I realize now more than ever that I am important to this group of women and I not only need to take from it what can help me grow and become a better woman but I am to give to it by my service and love. I can be me without this organization but I am a way better woman because of it. I love that part of my life! I don't know what I would do without the companionship of my wonderful sisters! After the meeting I went to have hot chocolate with a couple of these wonderful women and just chat about things for "thirty" minutes. (We set a time so our families would not miss us too much;)) It was wonderful! My "bucket" was filled tonight!

Teeth cleaning

Last evening I got to go to Ashleigh's school and have my teeth cleaned by her. It was such a neat experience to see where she goes to school and meet the people she works with and the teachers. They were all so friendly and I can see why she enjoys what she is doing. I was impressed with how professional she was and her sweet smile. I don't like getting things done to my mouth. I have always said I would have ten more kids than go to the dentist. I don't know why - guess I am just a baby about things. She did a great job on her mom. It is fun to watch these young ladies grow into such beatiful young women. Toshia, Chelsea and Ashleigh have all done wonderful things with their lives. They have each been hard working young people who have set great goals for themselves. Seth has done some amazing things himself. What a great reward it is as a parent to watch your babies become adults. Now we just have seven more to get grown up and out of the house - that seems like such a long way away - but in reality it is probably not that far off. It will be fun to look at what wonderful things they each accomplish as they become adults. Wow, I am so lucky to be able to experience that over and over again. (some might say crazy not lucky;) ) - Thank you Ashleigh for sharing your skills with me and thank all of you guys for sharing life with me.

A new school year begins!

OK, so this was not the official first day of school. And this picture is not even the morning of this day of school but after school. And this is not even all the children who started or are in school this year. I know I am way behind in blogging this but really I do have good reason. That to be shared at a later date. But just look at these cute little girls. My youngest three to go to school and this year all the children are in school - a first in 28 years!!! Wow! It really did not hit me until this morning that I have now entered a new phase in my life. I have been anticipating this for a while now and thought I had my feelings all in check with it. With the goings on of last week I guess I am just really emotional and I did feel a little sad this morning when Miss Autumn told me I did not need to show her where to go or what to do and that tomorrow she would be riding the bus with all the other kids. Good thing I had a run to go on with Lynn and did not give myself much time to dwell on it - a six mile run will do that to you - not give you much time to think but just how to finish the run:) Everyone is doing great. They love their teachers and it looks like it going to be a very productive year. I am loving the weather right now and as fall approaches I am glad I am only in the summer of my life. Summer is a time when their is so much energy and fun! That is what I am going to have in this season of my life - energy and fun!! With that said tomorrow will come awfully early as my day starts at around 4:30 in the morning, but with that new day will be all the new adventures and exciting firsts for everyone as they each are enjoying their own firsts of being a senior, a sophomore, an eighth grader, a fifth grader, a third grader, and a kindergartner! Happy school year everyone.

My "praying" mantis

This morning when I went out to my car to take the kids to practice and the high school this little guy was on the hood of our car. It magically stayed on the hood for the whole trip!

I had one of these when I was a little girl. I don't know if I caught it or my dad or brothers. But I do remember being fascinated by the fact that it "prayed". Now this morning Chad tells me it is a "preying" mantis not a "praying" mantis. Whichever it is I like to think of it as a reminder to me that I need to pray. That little fact has been on my mind lately. Being more aware of my prayers and what and when I pray. This morning was very interesting because I ended up saying three different prayers all before 7:00am. Then when I saw this little guy I just knew that Heavenly Father was listening and reminding me of the lesson I learned so many years ago as a small little girl. I remember my dad talking to me about how this insect would "pray", he showed me how it looked when it was folding it's arms and how it stayed real still as if listening for an answer to its prayer. It was a powerful lesson for my little girl mind and one of the few I remember my dad teaching me about a gospel topic. I think I only kept it a few days before setting it free - or maybe it died from lack of food and water, whatever the case that lesson learned so many years ago about prayer was brought back very vividly to my mind as I saw this little guy on the hood of my car. I was glad I had remembered to say my prayers this morning, I was glad that I needed two more opportunities to talk with Heavenly Father again before my day really started - most of all I am glad I got to talk to my little girl about the "praying" mantis and teach her the way my dad taught me. This has been a wonderful, thought filled day!