Chloe's car accident

Remember when Chloe got her new car? And these pictures were taken and she was so excited for all the freedom and responsibility she would have with her new car? Well, her car does not look like that anymore. She was in an accident last Wednesday and well, that car is not drivable at the moment. Actually, it probably will never be driven again by anyone. Thank goodness, she is safe and the only thing smashed was her ego and the front end of her car.


When I told David it was not drivable he did not believe me. Seeing these photos has convinced him that it could not be saved. She was at fault because she rear ended the other car. The sad part about the whole thing was how mean the lady was that she hit. She had more swear words flying out her mouth than I think Chloe had ever heard. That upset her even more. When she called me I was at Noah's game (he by the way was pitching a no-hitter - yeah for that guy!) and I could not understand her she was crying so hard. It was not too far from where I was at so I was there in minutes. I was a little worried there were two police cars, a fire truck, and ambulance. But out here I guess that is pretty common for them to all show up on a call like hers.

Lesson learned by Chloe. Although it truly was an accident she still learned a lot of things that she did not intended to that evening. Today she is doing great but it took her a couple of days to calm down and realize that her independence is gone for a while and I realized that I now am back to taxing everyone around. Could I possibly get any busier in my life right now?

Sunday Fireside

Last night I did a fireside for the single adults at church. This is the second time I have done this fireside about the hymns of the church. I really did a lot of preparation for the first one so when I was asked to do it again last night I was really excited about it. I talked about a few of my favorite hymns and why music in the church is so important. I played the piano for three of the songs and had Hayden sing "I Am a Child of God" and Chad sang "I Know That My Redeemer Lives". Hayden did really good this time and was not as nervous so sang out beautifully. Chad - well, that is where my story begins.

I was so impressed with him last night. For a sixteen year old he has some pipes! (American Idol talk, I know) I shared why this particular hymn has so much meaning to me. When I was baptized it was sung at the Sacrament meeting held the following day. I was only eight years old and felt something I had never felt before. I now know it was the spirit, but then all I knew was that this baptism thing felt right! I knew the church was true. I have been blessed my whole life to just know that. I believe it is a spiritual gift given to me at such a young age that has helped me throughout my entire life. I have never questioned my testimony of this since that young age. While the hymn was being sung my eight year old mind thought deeply about the words and knew as is repeated so often in the song that "He Lives!" After I had shared this story with the group I had Chad sing an arrangement of this song that I really love. It has such a beautiful piano part and I get to play such a beautiful music line under his singing of the melody. We have worked on this for a while now and it just seemed to really come together last night. He sang from his heart. He sang with such power and emotion that my heart swelled as once again the spirit testified to me of the message of this song. What was so wonderful is how I felt we connected as I played and he sang. I have felt that a couple of times before when playing for Toshia and Chelsea as they sang but this was something different. I can't really describe it with words. Afterwards I asked him about it. He told me that my story had such an impact on him that he had to do well to give meaning to song that had meant so much to me. He said he felt the spirit. Yeah! I thought for this moment he is getting it.

On the way home we had a great discussion in the car about things going on in the world right now and how it is affecting him. He shared some really cool things with us. Then later after we were home he brought me a book "Tuesdays With Morrie". I have seen part of the movie before but not read the book yet. He said he really wanted David and I both to read it. It really made an impression with him. I am almost done with it (it is a short read) and I am glad he shared it with me. I am so grateful for having these moments with the kids. Chad sharing with us like he did is a rare occurrence. There are always other kids around and he is busy with school and sports. What a wonderful way to end a Sabbath day - sharing music with people and sharing life with my children!

Sunny day outside!

Today was so beautiful outside. I just hate that my allergies get the best of me this time of year. It makes it hard to enjoy it. But enjoy it I did! I went for a run this morning not so long almost 5 miles and then when I got home Taylor said she wanted to go on a run so I took her out for another mile run. She was so cute. We talked and she told me how she wanted to get into shape and maybe run track next year. She also said her teacher at school inspired her to do this running thing. I thought that was funny because I have been running for quite a while now and I thought she would have noticed that from me. She just giggled when I told her that. Then on to conferences at the school. Autumn's teacher just raved about her. If she could just have a classroom of Autumn's. I was taken back. I asked if she was a little "chatty" at times and she said no. But that she was very dependable and very helpful in class. I guess she really does know when it is time to behave! The other kids did just as well! Then off to town to do the garbage bills. Then a trip to craft warehouse to gather things for upcoming craft projects. (wait until you see what I am up to!) Then finally grocery shopping at Winco and home to make taco salad for dinner. What a busy day and yet very beautiful! I am so lucky to have days like this in between the rainy, rainy days that we have here. I hope everyone had fun in the sun today!

Dirty laundry

Note:This may be long and contain thoughts that are from the heart. I have to write now and get it out or my head is going to explode. (not really)

Yesterday I did the hardest thing. I can't say the hardest thing ever but still it ranks right up there with hard things. Paige has been in jail again for a while. She has been living in a completely and utterly disgusting house for the last year and half. I have never entered the place. I have dropped her off there but that is as far as I have been onto the the property. For a lot of various reasons I needed to get her things out the house. I needed David to go with me so we had to wait until Saturday to do it. I have never entered such a dirty place in all my life. I know they exist and have driven by homes that I only imagined were that dirty but never in my dreams could I have pictured what I walked into. The smell was disgusting, and filth and dirt everywhere. My heart sank. This is what she had chosen? Addiction does not care about clean or dirty. Addiction does not see that as a mother you spend hours trying to clean your home and have beds for children to sleep in and chairs to sit in and a clean floor to walk on and food in the refrigerator. I was taught from a young age by my wise mother - "you don't need money to be clean". Addicition does not allow you to remember what wise words your mother might have taught you. I had told this quote to Paige many times when she was a little girl.

With David's help I bagged up her stuff in about four large garbage bags. There was not one article of clean clothing to be found. I made a pile of things and told the dad living there that he could just throw it away. It was not even worth my time to clean. We got it home. I had David bring everything upstairs for me to start doing the laundry. As I started to sort through things I was so overwhelmed with sadness for this little girl. I started with a dark load. I put the the setting on "sanitize" which is a two hour long cycle. I thought the longer I could wash it the cleaner it would get the better I would start to feel. It didn't help much. This process went on for six more loads. Each load getting lighter in color as I went. I stayed up until about 1:30 this morning working on it. I had four clean tubs to fold and put things away in. The last couple of loads I only did on "kid" cycle - that being only one hour and fifteen minutes. My last load I put in this morning before church (I know it is the sabbath, but I had to get the rest of the smell gone) - it was a small white load. I did not realize how little she had that was white. Pure, clean - those words kept going through my head. It did not come out that clean - a dingy grey whiteish color. There I had done it. All she had was now as clean as I could get it and stored in four tubs and one laundry basket. This morning I went with David and visited her. She looked so skinny and scared. Her face and eyes swollen from tears. I was taken back by what she had on - a striped uniform. My mind immediately went to some bad movie scene where they all wear striped uniforms and are telling everyone "they didn't do it". Her dad did most of the talking. I was afraid to talk that I would not be able to hold back the tears. I wanted to be strong. Not for her but for David. He has had the opportunity as bishop to visit several people in jail before. This was different. I listened to her as she tried to explain how she had gotten to this place and how much she finally realized what everyone had been warning her about. That if she kept making the choices she was making she would end up like this. I thought of the dirty clothes, the dirty house, the lies, the secrets, it kept swirling around in my head as I listened to conversation mostly one sided from her dad. She wanted to be held, loved, forgiven, and told everything was going to be alright. But between us was glass and wire. No touching, no loving - just listening and talking. I did not say much at all. I think David was worried about me, he offered to leave if I wanted to talk to her alone. I told him no. Then the sound over the PA: Weitzel back to your cell, time to go. She lost it. I can't do this she said - you have to her dad said. I got up, Paige, I love you, I believe in you, you will figure this out! were the words that came out of my mouth. Tears flowed freely now, David cried, Paige touched the glass - mom she said. "I know" is all that I could get out of my mouth. We left. No words all the way home. That dingy white load in my dryer is all I could think of. How could or maybe the better question - would Paige get clean again? I know how it works, but will she figure it out? will she ever see herself as the Savior does and know that there will be hours ahead of her on the "sanitize" cycle. She has lots of steps to take but does not need to take them alone. He will take that dirty, dingy white and make it whole again if she will do what she needs to. I cannot do that cleaning for her, she has to do it herself. But I know now I can stand beside her and guide her if she wants me to be there. I have forgiven her for what she as done to me. But now she needs to start forgiving herself and move forward. David told her that. I loved what he said, " You can't change what has been, but look toward the future to what has not happened yet and how will you make that better? It isn't written yet. You can make it better than the previous day. Do it, do it Paige". She has time now. Lots of time to read and pray and work some things out spiritually. My mind was racing with all of this as I went to teach the sunbeam class. My new calling now at church -the sunbeam class. How I loved them today as I looked in their eyes and saw Paige when she was three.

I washed my hands a lot last night and this morning as I was doing the dirty laundry. Each time I could smell the soap so fresh and clean on my hands. Paige can be fresh and clean again like when she was three but she will need more than soap - the Savior - He will help her and all I can do now is pray along with everyone else who loves her and wants her healthy and happy again. I feel His spirit as I pray, the comfort he gives me I know He is giving to her. That gives my JOY!