The kitchen drawer

The front of one of my kitchen drawers came off this morning. Actually it was pulled off by Chad. It has been trying to break for quite some time and I knew it was not long when I opened the drawer this morning. I had specifically told Chad, "Be careful, this thing is going to break and I want dad to fix it". Well, I guess he didn't know his own strength because when the drawer would not open easily he pulled harder and the whole front came off. I was so mad! I had just told this kid to be careful and I felt he was not. So out the door he went to school with a lecture from me on the value of money and how much things cost and how he could at least have tried to be careful. He just rolled his sixteen year old eyes and acted not the least bit sorry and said that it was not his fault and I should not yell at him about it. (I always feel I am not yelling just talking loud:) This was not the way I wanted him to go out the door this morning. We have been trying for the month of February to be kind and say loving things to each other. It has been hard. The children seem to be not working as hard at it as I had hoped. I have been trying. This morning I just let it go. He was going to hear what I had to say and yet the more I talked the more he tuned me out. All morning I have been thinking of how I could have handled the situation differently. I know how I could have said what I wanted to say in a kinder way. I love this kid. He does try to be good and he does so much for me. The drawer is not worth me having ruined my morning over. I know Chad is not thinking of it anymore. That is the wonderful thing about being 16. Life is not about a kitchen drawer right now. His worries are much greater in his mind as he figures out life and school. I sometimes wish they could skip this part and just head right into their grownup life. So many mistakes could be avoided if they skipped this part. But that is not how it works. Mistakes are going to be made and lessons learned that can not be learned any other way. The broken drawer is not necessarily one of the lessons he has to learn. It is one for me this morning. One of patience and love that could have been said rather than the way I acted. I realize that all ages in our life are learning ages. I should have learned this one many years ago. Yet, I have to learn it again today. I love this little boy who really is not a little boy anymore. He really did not wake up this morning thinking, "I am going to break something today - I bet it would really be fun to break the kitchen drawer!" I know he woke up worrying about his classes and homework that needs to be finished and all the rest that goes with a day in high school. I know he loves me - despite my temporary loss of self control to not get angry over a silly drawer. This is going to be a better day for the lesson I learned this morning. I hope his day goes well with what he has to learn today. Sorry Chad, Love you!