Chloe - moving on

This baby girl of mine is about to graduate and move on to a new phase of her life. I have been thinking so much about this as we have been doing all the last quarter activities that happen with seniors in high school. I have been trying to grab any minutes where we can spend some one on one time together. We have had lots of opportunities lately because of her dependency on me to get her places. Those precious moments in the car have been a blessing to me. We recently saw a movie together and there was a line in the movie that really struck me. The young lady in the movie had not grown up with her mother, her mother had left her when she was nine. She was helping an older women find a lost love of fifty years and there was this moving scene where the older women came in the girls room to see if she was OK and she was sitting there combing her hair. The older women asked if she could comb her hair for her and then she said this one line - "One of the great pleasures of life is to have one's hair brushed". For me it was a moving scene as I thought about how the girl probably did not have that "pleasure" from her mother.

I have thought about that all weekend for some reason. I thought back to my young life when my mother cared for and brushed my long hair and even when I was a teenager how I loved for her to braid my hair and brush it for me. I love to brush my girls hair. I always have. When I was little I dreamed of the girls I would have and the hours of brushing and combing their hair. I know that sounds silly but I love the connection I have while their hair is tangled in my fingers. Maybe when they were little it was not always a "pleasure" but for me that connection for a mother and daughter brings an untold amount of pleasure. Both as the daughter and as the mother. I especially have been thinking of the times I have combed and brushed through Chloe's hair. Her soft blonde fine hair. How this little one now "grown-up" and going on to new adventures will hopefully remember those times when her hair was brushed. That there were many hours of connection between us and that I hold it in a special place in my heart as I do the time spent with my other daughters now grown and gone from home. Time really does go by fast when you look back at all that has transpired. Now my middle child is transitioning into adulthood and I don't have to many more years before the last child will transition through that same door. I am grateful that we have these small "pleasures" to connect us for always!

Mother's Day

Yesterday was just beautiful! Not only was the sun shining but all the children came to church with us today. It was my only request for Mother's Day. It meant a lot to me for many reasons. It was quite amazing to look down at the full pew with my children and husband filling it up. (I was playing the organ so was up on the stand). A lot of thoughts went through my head as I gazed down at them. Mostly I was just in awe of how this all came to be. Eleven children is considered a large family. I have know others with larger. It does not seem that big to me yet. I say yet because as the grandchildren are coming along that is where I will see just how vast this all is. The talks in church were very inspiring and helped remind of things that I needed to hear. My little sunbeams were just adorable. Very busy and I was tired after class but they just make me smile! I came home to dinner made and everyone laughing and everyone getting along. I got to eat outside (my favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon!) and then we had a few presents for David's birthday (not till Tuesday - but it is fun to celebrate with everyone there) The day started with breakfast in bed made by Taylor, Hayden and Chad. I could hear a commotion going on downstairs but it all seemed to come together in the end. Noah bought me a card that could be a photo album of sorts - he was really proud of himself using his babysitting money on me. He usually buys taco bell or something to eat with his extra $$$. He also gave a talk in church and did a great job writing it all himself and wondering afterwards if he should have talked on mothers but then realized it fit nicely with the other talks given. The only thing I forgot to do is take a picture of all of us together. It has been some time since we have all been together at the same time. But that is usually the case I never have my camera out. All in all, I am so thankful for the blessing of being a mother. As a small child I played "mommy" all the time. With all the challenges and frustrating moments I wouldn't change a thing! I am a mother "who knows" and loves all that motherhood brings! I hope all of my friends and family had a wonderful day as well!

A Paige update....

Paige came home a week ago last Monday. She was only to stay the day and then figure out where to go from there. Well, things being what they were it was arranged that she would stay the week with us until her transitional housing came available. I have to say I was very nervous about the whole situation. I did not want to have any more contention in our home. Things were very different. From the moment she came in until she moved out today she was different. By day three I was seeing a glimmer of hope that things could turn around for this young lady. Her outlook and perspective had changed. There was a shimmer in her eyes that has been gone for a very long time. I am cautiously optimistic about the outcome and realize she has many, many more steps ahead of her. But she is showing a maturity that has previously been lacking. Her judgement does not seem clouded. Today was a hard day for her as she moved into her new housing situation. She is very nervous and yet sees that this will help her to grow up and be responsible. She also realizes that this is a second chance for her and wants to succeed. Prayers are answered in the most curious ways. I know that each person who loves Paige and has prayed for her will see the answers to their prayers from different perspectives. Paige has most certainly talked about how she has felt her Heavenly Fathers arms around her as He has picked her up from such a low place. David and I have felt our prayers answered in ways that we did not expect. I have felt the love and support from the prayers offered in her behalf. She takes each day hour by hour right now and sometimes minute by minute. But she is getting stronger. She has structure she has not had for several years now and that seems to be making a huge difference for her. She will always have to fight this battle. It is a war that will rage inside her most of her life. But if she will internalize what she has been taught and follow the words she studies in the scriptures it will be a battle she can win! She fought a battle much bigger than this in the pre-existence. She stood firm with her conviction to follow Christ. (as did all of us born in these last days!) She not only fought for her agency but to the right to use her agency to follow Christ! If she will keep this perspective she will be able to overcome the battle going on inside her now. Today she said, "I am scared and very nervous, but I know I have my family to help me and be a support to me. I know I can do this!" These words would not have come from her even a few weeks ago. Today I am hopeful about her situation. Through these mother's eyes I see a very familiar Paige - one I knew as a little girl - and my love for her is just as strong as it has ever been!