Going on a trip!!!

Tomorrow David and I leave on our anniversary trip! (Yes, 30 years in June) I am so excited! Can you tell! I have been packed now for over a week. I have never packed early before. I usually pack as I am getting ready to go out the door. I know, not very organized and I usually forget something. But not this time. We are headed for Guatemala and Belize. We get to go with some pretty awesome people. Friends from church who are going to help make this trip incredible!

So today I doing all the last minute getting things in order and all the information to all the people helping out with the kiddos and I come home to find a cute little something from my secret sister! How fun was that! We have been doing this for Relief Society this month and I am so excited about the things I am doing for my secret sister and so excited about getting things from a secret sister. I love, love what she made. I will share after I get back from my trip! Did I mention yet I am going on a trip?

Tonight Autumn crawled into my bed very dirty from playing outside all afternoon in the warm winter/spring sun. I, of course, made her get out and take a bath. She almost fell asleep in the bath tub. It was cute. When she came in my room I was listening to the news getting ready to watch the Olympics and she said "I don't really like the news much, they talk a lot. I like it better when they just show pictures and don't do so much talking." She cracks me up. Then she said she did not want us to leave and that she planned on staying in my bed for the whole time I was gone and maybe even two more days after we got back. She said, "Your bed is just so cuddly and who would ever want to get out of it? So I think I will just stay here until you and dad get back." Again, I am cracking up!

So for the next little while I will be signed off the computer and enjoying the sights and sounds of a far off place. I am so excited! I will share pictures and stories of this incredible adventure we get to go on upon our return. So for tonight, I have to celebrate by having a bowl of Dreyer's chocolate brownie 1/2 the fat ice cream with the girls as a special treat! Who knows if there is ice cream where we are going? I'm going on a trip........can you tell I 'm excited?

The kitchen drawer

The front of one of my kitchen drawers came off this morning. Actually it was pulled off by Chad. It has been trying to break for quite some time and I knew it was not long when I opened the drawer this morning. I had specifically told Chad, "Be careful, this thing is going to break and I want dad to fix it". Well, I guess he didn't know his own strength because when the drawer would not open easily he pulled harder and the whole front came off. I was so mad! I had just told this kid to be careful and I felt he was not. So out the door he went to school with a lecture from me on the value of money and how much things cost and how he could at least have tried to be careful. He just rolled his sixteen year old eyes and acted not the least bit sorry and said that it was not his fault and I should not yell at him about it. (I always feel I am not yelling just talking loud:) This was not the way I wanted him to go out the door this morning. We have been trying for the month of February to be kind and say loving things to each other. It has been hard. The children seem to be not working as hard at it as I had hoped. I have been trying. This morning I just let it go. He was going to hear what I had to say and yet the more I talked the more he tuned me out. All morning I have been thinking of how I could have handled the situation differently. I know how I could have said what I wanted to say in a kinder way. I love this kid. He does try to be good and he does so much for me. The drawer is not worth me having ruined my morning over. I know Chad is not thinking of it anymore. That is the wonderful thing about being 16. Life is not about a kitchen drawer right now. His worries are much greater in his mind as he figures out life and school. I sometimes wish they could skip this part and just head right into their grownup life. So many mistakes could be avoided if they skipped this part. But that is not how it works. Mistakes are going to be made and lessons learned that can not be learned any other way. The broken drawer is not necessarily one of the lessons he has to learn. It is one for me this morning. One of patience and love that could have been said rather than the way I acted. I realize that all ages in our life are learning ages. I should have learned this one many years ago. Yet, I have to learn it again today. I love this little boy who really is not a little boy anymore. He really did not wake up this morning thinking, "I am going to break something today - I bet it would really be fun to break the kitchen drawer!" I know he woke up worrying about his classes and homework that needs to be finished and all the rest that goes with a day in high school. I know he loves me - despite my temporary loss of self control to not get angry over a silly drawer. This is going to be a better day for the lesson I learned this morning. I hope his day goes well with what he has to learn today. Sorry Chad, Love you!

Saturday ramblings

I don't know why I have not posted in so long. I have been busy, but really nothing more than the normal busy. I have lots I could have been writing about. Trips to the coast, trips with friends, shopping with friends, funny things the kids have said and done, great FHE lessons that have been happening, things the kids have been doing in school, projects I have been working on, dates with David, some of the fun reading I have been doing, lessons I have been teaching at church (seminary and relief society), all my running and exercising. So it is not that there has not been things to write about. I have been in a little funk since November. It was not the holidays. They were great! It turned out to be a very happy holiday season. I traveled and saw extended family and the children were all together with us for Christmas. So I just don't know what it is.

I was sitting here reading "crafting" blogs and finishing off a small (very small) container of Ben & Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice cream when I thought I needed to write something today. But I don't know what is worth writing about. So while my life has been very full and busy these last few months my heart has been heavy with worry for Paige. That must be what I am supposed to be writing about right now.

She is in a bad way again and things just don't seem to be getting better for her. I know it is her choices. Maybe that is what the funk is all about. As a "mother who knows" when one of your little ones strays so far from all that they were taught it is hard not to have a heavy heart for them. I do all that I am supposed to and even a little more to make up for what I am lacking in some areas and yet I feel like I am spinning in circles when it comes to this one little baby girl of mine. My head knows all the right things to do and my heart even allows me to follow through with the consequences that have to be dished out and even though for this time how the situation is with her needs to be what it is; I still long for peace for her so I can have peace. I watch other families and moms as they cope with life with children and I think I am doing pretty good most of the time. But until things are at a good place with Paige I think I will have a small cloud over me. I can tell you though that I allow the sun to shine through that cloud or should I say "son". My faith is stronger than ever. My hope is greater than ever and my love for her is just as full as when she was first laid in my arms. I am able to do this because of that Son who went through all of this for me so I could lay it at his feet. I am not unique with the situation that I deal with but sometimes I do feel alone. So as I write this I know what the funk I am in is all about. I know how to fix it. I need to write about all the "busy" in my life more regularly so I can see all that is good. I need to not let so much time go by before I write or journal things. A good reason for keeping up on my blog. Even though I write in this format so that my family can be caught up on everything going on here at our home, I write so I can see what is good and joyous going on at our home. I can use these writings now whereas my children might use them later when they have their families. What a wise Heavenly Father for having the prophets teach about keeping journals. I have been studying about the women in the scriptures and realize that their struggles and heartaches parallel mine. What I am learning is so wonderful yet I am sure if another women read the same thing she would learn for herself a different lesson. I am glad we have their writings to learn from.

I have a relief society project to work on this afternoon so I should be getting to it. I feel the darkness of the cloud lifting even though the cloud will still hang over. Life is good! I am so glad I have eleven wonderful children to teach me how to be an eternal mother. Even though the lessons are hard some times, they are so worth every moment I have to learn from them! That is how I see today "through a mother's eyes".