Moments

I feel as if I have been absent of late from my blog. I have been busy with many many things and yet I have always been able to find the time to post things in the past no matter how busy I have been. I don't know why I have not felt much like recording the happenings going on in my life right now. Maybe because they are the repeat of things of the past. I tend to do a lot of the same traditions. Maybe I am stuck in a rut of sorts. I don't quite know what it is and yet I long to write. I long to put my thoughts down so I will remember the moments of my life. I longed for the time when I could be creative and uninterrupted at the same time. Yet, there have been opportunities as of late for that to happen and it was too quiet and that in itself was just as distracting.

I was thinking a lot today about moments in my life. As I watched how tired my sweet baby girl Toshia is in her 9th month of pregnancy I remembered the many times I was just as tired. I wanted Jonathan to spend the night to give her a break. A couple of nights ago he did just that. He was so fun. I remember those moments when my children were in the potty training stage. The learning to talk stage. The day to day happy moments they live. All wonderful moments that seemed to have happened only yesterday.

Summer has come on finally with the warmer weather and with it the traditions of swim lessons, concerts in the park, free lunch, reading logs to place stickers on, berries to pick, fruit and jam to bottle, gardens to weed, late movie nights and lazy snuggling mornings. Vacations are planned. Books on my reading list have been purchased. The crafting projects planned and some even already finished. All of these things create moments that become memories. The familiarity of it all is what connects me from the past to the present. But what about the unexpected moments. I love it when Toshia calls and says "Can I bring Jonathan over to play for awhile?". I never am so set in a schedule that I have to say no to these requests. I often plan things in my head never setting it to paper just so that when opportunities for spontaneity come along I can grab at them.

As hard as it was being a mother of young children those moments hang in my heart and I now connect them to the moments I experience now with my daughter and her young children. My heart is full of wonderful moments to hold on to and cherish when some of my young adult children give me trying moments to work through. I am so thankful for the joy motherhood has brought to me and the moments that will connect me to an eternal mother. I hope I am learning my lessons well. What I really hope is that the children see that I am happy in these moments. I want them to see the joy being a mother is along with all the hard work. I have a saying on my wall upstairs, "We do not remember days, We remember moments". These summer moments are not going by unnoticed, even if they are familiar, they are being cherished in our hearts and minds to carry us through the bleak winter days ahead!

What a weekend!

To start off there was Chloe's graduation! Yeah for Chloe. It was a nice evening and probably the shortest graduation we have been to yet. That was Friday night.
Then Saturday was full of fun and surprises! It was Paige's birthday. We had six ball games to go to and lots of yard work and things to do around the house to get ready for the birthday/graduation party on Sunday. Unknown to David and I the children planned a surprise anniversary party for us!

Many of our friends and family gathered at the park to celebrate with us. We were completely surprised. We spent the lunch hour taking Adrian out for his birthday lunch with us (his birthday was last week) and then we thought we were exchanging kids at the park so we could get Taylor to her game. When we drove up there were a lot of people around Toshia and I couldn't quite figure it out. Then I saw Marilyn, David's mom and I began to think something was up. We had a great time and it was so fun to see so many of our friends that we have not seen in a long time. The kids got us a new bar-b-que which we used to make lunch for everyone. Even though the day was already planned it was fun to throw all plans out the window and celebrate. We still made it to some of the games and I still managed to go out with my friends in the evening for dinner and a movie. Next time though I would like a warning so I at least could have not had such a bad hair day!

Sunday the whole family gathered again for our June birthday celebration and Chloe's graduation party. We had good food and lots of fun and laughter. It was so wonderful to spend almost the whole weekend with the kids. Especially the older ones who we don't see that often. I was exhausted Sunday evening. I think David and I fell asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow. Thirty years of all this family fun can really wear a couple out!

Friends

This says it all for me!

I have been thinking a lot about all my wonderful friends lately.

Each friend of mine has a special gift that they share with me.

Each gift at some time in my life has lifted me when I have needed support.

I love you all and hope that I can be as good a friend as you all are to me!

Chloe - moving on

This baby girl of mine is about to graduate and move on to a new phase of her life. I have been thinking so much about this as we have been doing all the last quarter activities that happen with seniors in high school. I have been trying to grab any minutes where we can spend some one on one time together. We have had lots of opportunities lately because of her dependency on me to get her places. Those precious moments in the car have been a blessing to me. We recently saw a movie together and there was a line in the movie that really struck me. The young lady in the movie had not grown up with her mother, her mother had left her when she was nine. She was helping an older women find a lost love of fifty years and there was this moving scene where the older women came in the girls room to see if she was OK and she was sitting there combing her hair. The older women asked if she could comb her hair for her and then she said this one line - "One of the great pleasures of life is to have one's hair brushed". For me it was a moving scene as I thought about how the girl probably did not have that "pleasure" from her mother.

I have thought about that all weekend for some reason. I thought back to my young life when my mother cared for and brushed my long hair and even when I was a teenager how I loved for her to braid my hair and brush it for me. I love to brush my girls hair. I always have. When I was little I dreamed of the girls I would have and the hours of brushing and combing their hair. I know that sounds silly but I love the connection I have while their hair is tangled in my fingers. Maybe when they were little it was not always a "pleasure" but for me that connection for a mother and daughter brings an untold amount of pleasure. Both as the daughter and as the mother. I especially have been thinking of the times I have combed and brushed through Chloe's hair. Her soft blonde fine hair. How this little one now "grown-up" and going on to new adventures will hopefully remember those times when her hair was brushed. That there were many hours of connection between us and that I hold it in a special place in my heart as I do the time spent with my other daughters now grown and gone from home. Time really does go by fast when you look back at all that has transpired. Now my middle child is transitioning into adulthood and I don't have to many more years before the last child will transition through that same door. I am grateful that we have these small "pleasures" to connect us for always!

Mother's Day

Yesterday was just beautiful! Not only was the sun shining but all the children came to church with us today. It was my only request for Mother's Day. It meant a lot to me for many reasons. It was quite amazing to look down at the full pew with my children and husband filling it up. (I was playing the organ so was up on the stand). A lot of thoughts went through my head as I gazed down at them. Mostly I was just in awe of how this all came to be. Eleven children is considered a large family. I have know others with larger. It does not seem that big to me yet. I say yet because as the grandchildren are coming along that is where I will see just how vast this all is. The talks in church were very inspiring and helped remind of things that I needed to hear. My little sunbeams were just adorable. Very busy and I was tired after class but they just make me smile! I came home to dinner made and everyone laughing and everyone getting along. I got to eat outside (my favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon!) and then we had a few presents for David's birthday (not till Tuesday - but it is fun to celebrate with everyone there) The day started with breakfast in bed made by Taylor, Hayden and Chad. I could hear a commotion going on downstairs but it all seemed to come together in the end. Noah bought me a card that could be a photo album of sorts - he was really proud of himself using his babysitting money on me. He usually buys taco bell or something to eat with his extra $$$. He also gave a talk in church and did a great job writing it all himself and wondering afterwards if he should have talked on mothers but then realized it fit nicely with the other talks given. The only thing I forgot to do is take a picture of all of us together. It has been some time since we have all been together at the same time. But that is usually the case I never have my camera out. All in all, I am so thankful for the blessing of being a mother. As a small child I played "mommy" all the time. With all the challenges and frustrating moments I wouldn't change a thing! I am a mother "who knows" and loves all that motherhood brings! I hope all of my friends and family had a wonderful day as well!

A Paige update....

Paige came home a week ago last Monday. She was only to stay the day and then figure out where to go from there. Well, things being what they were it was arranged that she would stay the week with us until her transitional housing came available. I have to say I was very nervous about the whole situation. I did not want to have any more contention in our home. Things were very different. From the moment she came in until she moved out today she was different. By day three I was seeing a glimmer of hope that things could turn around for this young lady. Her outlook and perspective had changed. There was a shimmer in her eyes that has been gone for a very long time. I am cautiously optimistic about the outcome and realize she has many, many more steps ahead of her. But she is showing a maturity that has previously been lacking. Her judgement does not seem clouded. Today was a hard day for her as she moved into her new housing situation. She is very nervous and yet sees that this will help her to grow up and be responsible. She also realizes that this is a second chance for her and wants to succeed. Prayers are answered in the most curious ways. I know that each person who loves Paige and has prayed for her will see the answers to their prayers from different perspectives. Paige has most certainly talked about how she has felt her Heavenly Fathers arms around her as He has picked her up from such a low place. David and I have felt our prayers answered in ways that we did not expect. I have felt the love and support from the prayers offered in her behalf. She takes each day hour by hour right now and sometimes minute by minute. But she is getting stronger. She has structure she has not had for several years now and that seems to be making a huge difference for her. She will always have to fight this battle. It is a war that will rage inside her most of her life. But if she will internalize what she has been taught and follow the words she studies in the scriptures it will be a battle she can win! She fought a battle much bigger than this in the pre-existence. She stood firm with her conviction to follow Christ. (as did all of us born in these last days!) She not only fought for her agency but to the right to use her agency to follow Christ! If she will keep this perspective she will be able to overcome the battle going on inside her now. Today she said, "I am scared and very nervous, but I know I have my family to help me and be a support to me. I know I can do this!" These words would not have come from her even a few weeks ago. Today I am hopeful about her situation. Through these mother's eyes I see a very familiar Paige - one I knew as a little girl - and my love for her is just as strong as it has ever been!

Chloe's car accident

Remember when Chloe got her new car? And these pictures were taken and she was so excited for all the freedom and responsibility she would have with her new car? Well, her car does not look like that anymore. She was in an accident last Wednesday and well, that car is not drivable at the moment. Actually, it probably will never be driven again by anyone. Thank goodness, she is safe and the only thing smashed was her ego and the front end of her car.


When I told David it was not drivable he did not believe me. Seeing these photos has convinced him that it could not be saved. She was at fault because she rear ended the other car. The sad part about the whole thing was how mean the lady was that she hit. She had more swear words flying out her mouth than I think Chloe had ever heard. That upset her even more. When she called me I was at Noah's game (he by the way was pitching a no-hitter - yeah for that guy!) and I could not understand her she was crying so hard. It was not too far from where I was at so I was there in minutes. I was a little worried there were two police cars, a fire truck, and ambulance. But out here I guess that is pretty common for them to all show up on a call like hers.

Lesson learned by Chloe. Although it truly was an accident she still learned a lot of things that she did not intended to that evening. Today she is doing great but it took her a couple of days to calm down and realize that her independence is gone for a while and I realized that I now am back to taxing everyone around. Could I possibly get any busier in my life right now?